Goal Setting - Can It Increase Your SELF-ESTEEM?

Would it surprise you to know that your self-esteem (the value you place on yourself) determine whether you reach your goals or not?

The opposite is equally true: Setting and achieving realistic goals will boost your self-esteem substantially. Don't believe me? Just think about the last time you struggled to master a new skill. At the very point of exasperation, when you are at your wits end, if you persevere despite being sorely tempted to give up... Suddenly, miraculously, it all falls into place...

Photo by FemmeGoddessPhotography

Did you feel smart, surprised, rewarded, fulfilled, elated and as if you were going to explode with pride? Did you feel like you could easily build on this achievement? That's how you'll feel every time you set and achieve a personal goal. It will be even more satisfying if you focused your energies purposefully onto achieving something specific and concrete.

"Dare to dream! If you did not have the capability to make your wildest wishes come true, your mind would not have the capacity to conjure such ideas in the first place. There is no limitation on what you can potentially achieve, except for the limitation you choose to impose on your own imagination. What you believe to be possible will always come to pass - to the extent that you deem it possible. It really is as simple as that?" Anthon St. Maarten

People who dare to dream know that setting and achieving goals, however small and insignificant, boost their confidence on a day to day basis. Each time you achieve a purposefully set objective, your confidence in your own ability grows.

Although I knew about, and even occasionally used the goal setting procedure, I severely underestimated the potential of this powerful method. Too much hassle, I thought. I have since been converted, not only by my own experience, but also by the overwhelmingly positive reaction from my clients.

Your self-esteem, awareness, ability to communicate, energy and responsibility can all be amplified by your use of goal setting. Developing and maintaining our self-esteem is one of the challenges every one faces sooner or later. Confidence comes from knowing that we can successfully complete what we set out to do. It results from experience, the experience of meeting our goals effectively. We must have some way to evaluate an experience, some way to know whether it was valuable or not. This is where goal-setting comes in. Setting realistic goals, working toward them and finally achieving them are superb learning experiences.

We feel good about ourselves when we meet our goals. Which in turn makes it easier for us to reach our next goals, and so the effect soon snow-balls.

But how does one set achievable goals?

How to set and achieve any goal

Perhaps our very human essence is oriented towards the achievement of goals. Human endeavour is measured by some of its greatest achievements. What do you want to achieve? Without a set of key goals life can become a case of living randomly from day to day. Any goal whether a small one en-route to achieving a key goal, or indeed a key goal should be SMART.

SMART GOALS are:

-Specific: State each goal as a positive unambiguous statement

-Measurable: Break the key goal down to measurable small steps

-Attainable: Make sure it fits in with your current work, family and financial commitments

-Relevant and Realistic: Physically and mentally possible

-Time bound: Aim to achieve the various stages of your goal according to a preconceived timescale

• Specific - Setting detailed and precise objectives
  State each goal as an unambiguous, positive statement. The process of reaching goals includes an initial evaluation, frequent reviews, and progress checks. Goals should be set down in specific terms so they appear as crystallized pictures in the mind rather than fuzzy apparitions on the horizon. "I have to loose weight" sounds like a project of enormous proportions with nowhere to start. Setting a more concrete, short-term goal is more effective. For example, decide that at the end of two weeks you will have lost 2 kg. This is a more a more specific, practical, and therefore attainable goal. What precisely do you want to achieve? I want to be an Olympic competitor is not a performance goal; it's actually the outcome of a goal. Check that you objectives are specific and not just outcomes.


• Measurable - Structuring goals that can be measured
  So you want to walk for exercise... good! What does measured success look like? How far and how often do you want to walk? How would you know that you remain en-route to success and how would you prove this to yourself? You will need to break the key goal down to measurable small steps, like deciding you will walk 5 km 5 days out of 7. The best way to keep track of your achievements and progress towards your key goal is to keep an exercise diary.


• Achievable - Is this objective practically possible? 
  By ensuring your goals are achievable I am not suggesting that you seek to downgrade them so that they become too easy to achieve. Instead you should check what you are aiming to achieve against the other demands on your time, finances and talent. Keep the low-level goals you are working towards small and achievable. If a goal is too large, then it can seem that you are not making progress towards it. Keeping goals small and incremental gives more opportunities for reward. Derive today's goals from larger ones. Set priorities: When you have several goals, give each a priority. This helps you to avoid feeling overwhelmed by too many goals, and helps to direct your attention to the most important ones. Organization and prioritizing are imperative to the success of the true achiever. Attending to the most important items on your "TO DO" list will result in maximum productivity. Less essential items can be ticked off as time permits. Plan the work and then work the plan.


• Relevant and Realistic - Are you being honest with yourself? 
  Is it realistic to learn the piano to concert pianist level? Is it realistic to target yourself to rune a mufti-million pound corporation? Do you have the right personality; can you manage the pressure and worry when things are not quite going to plan? This is the essence of realistic. Set performance goals, not outcome goals: You should take care to set goals over which you have as much control as possible. There is nothing more dispiriting than failing to achieve a personal goal for reasons beyond your control. If you base your goals on personal performance, then you can keep control over the achievement of your goals and draw satisfaction from them. It is important to set goals that you can achieve. All sorts of people (trainers, parents, media, and society) can set unrealistic goals for you. They will often do this in ignorance of your own desires and ambitions. Alternatively you may set goals that are too high, because you may not appreciate either the obstacles in the way, or understand quite how much skill you need to develop to achieve a particular level of performance.


• Time bound- has a starting date and an ETA
  You should aim to achieve the various stages of your goal according to a preconceived timescale. Unless you build these parameters into your goals you could end up paralysed by procrastination and end up more frustrated and un-focused than before you started. Set a precise goal, putting in dates, times and amounts so that you can measure your achievement. If you do this, you will know exactly when you have achieved the goal and celebrate your accomplishment, and can take complete satisfaction from having achieved it. Formulate short, medium and long-term goals.

Plotting out your goals in this manner will make you aware of the skills, financial aid and time you will need along the way. Develop short and mid-term goals to help you build those skills. You will begin to make decisions based on whether or not those choices will be beneficial to your long-term goals. If you just drift along in the sea of choices, allowing the tide of every day life to chart your course, it would only be by co-incidence that you will reach your destination or even recognize it when you arrive. As you achieve each step, however small towards your goal, your confidence will grow and solidify.

"Perfection of effort is not required, by the way. It is the consistency of attempting to work these tools that brings the progress. It's like anything else. If I want to tone muscle, lifting a ten-pound weight a few times every day will move me toward my goal much quicker than hoisting a fifty-pound barbell once a week. Yes, it really is true: "Slow and steady wins the race." Just try a little, every day. You'll see." Holly Mosier

By M Montagu "It has been my life long dream to create a safe, stress-less, secluded and supportive space where people of all ages can come to rest, re-focus and figure out who they are, what they really want and how the are going to get it - with the help of my always-intuitive and ever-inspiring horses." Dr. Margaretha Montagu is a medical doctor with many years of experience in helping people live healthier lives by reducing their stress levels, increasing their self-confidence, reaching their full potential and and defining their life's purpose. Join us on a residential retreat in the sun-blessed south of France based on equine-assisted experiential learning, equine guided meditation and equine inspired therapeutic writing. EquineGuidedGrowth.com Article Source: EzineArticles

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The 3 Most Popular Ways to Escape Uncomfortable Feelings of Low SELF-ESTEEM

Watch TV, open the newspaper, listen to the radio, or visit news sites on the Internet and you’ll immediately notice that the amount of human failure and disaster one is exposed to is disheartening. If you are like me, you may find yourself avoiding these sources of news and “entertainment” because you can’t stand the amount of negativity that infiltrates your mind and harmfully impacts your energy-state! Not surprisingly, much of the negativity in the world is sourced from people having an unhealthy, low level of self-esteem. Shocking, extensive research shows that over 85% of the world’s population has some type of deficiency in their level of self-esteem.

Low self-esteem causes feelings of discomfort, unhappiness, anger, fear, procrastination, frustration, shyness and incapability. This array of negative thought processes and sensations causes people to look for artificial ways to cover up their lack of confidence by taking on forced or unnatural behaviors. Three of the most common ways of covering up a negative self-image, diminished self-esteem and low confidence levels are:

1) Forced and unhealthy communication Forced acts of communication are ways we relate with each other in an unnatural and destructive way. Examples of unproductive communication could be uncontrolled anger, screaming or abusive language, or making unfair or unproductive remarks. All too often, when we feel uncomfortable in social situations or fear being controlled by another, we try to gain the upper hand by dominating the other person in some manner. For example, your spouse might make a remark that you allow to cause you to feel poorly about yourself or attacked in some way. (The words of another can never negatively impact our self-esteem unless we allow them to do so.) Most of the time, we react to what someone says when they bring up something we can not be with about how we see ourselves. This reactive feeling is all too often a sign of a diminished self-esteem. As a result of feeing threatened, you might counter with an aggressive or hostile remark of your own. Before long, you have unintentionally begun a downward spiral in communication that will surely erode your relationship over time.

Lacking self-esteem likewise impacts all other areas of life. Additional examples include fear of public speaking, ineffective professional communication, pursuing a carrier that is not in alignment with one’s passions and life-purpose, dating or even marrying people that do not match up well with our most important values because we fear we may not attract our ideal partner, and bringing up children to be fear-based, reactive, or unhealthy in their perceptions of the world and in their relationships with others.

2) Sleeping Excessively in order to Escape from Reality Do you know anyone who “sleeps their time away?” For countless people, sleeping is a way to escape their painful feelings of incapability, fear, discomfort, unworthiness, and weakness. These feelings stem from the interpretation that one is somehow unlovable or not good enough and are ultimately the result of low self-esteem levels. They drain our energy and cause internal friction that makes us tired. They also result in having us want to escape those situations instead of coping with them in an appropriate and effective manner. For many people sleeping is the easiest escape rather than learning to face life’s challenges. Sleeping is a means of recuperation — so upon awakening, all challenges can be coped with more easily with fresh energy. However many people don’t use sleep for the purpose of regenerating energy. They numb their pain with ‘chronic sleeping’ as an escape from reality. As an escape strategy, problems remain unaddressed and unsolved and so tend to become worse with the passing of time.

3) Use of Alcohol, Drugs, and Cigarettes As an active observer of people’s coping strategies, notice how often so many look for ways to numb the pain rather than address the source of their challenges. Many find comfort in cigarettes as a stress reliever. The underlying source of mental stress and bodily tension is often diminished self-esteem. So often, people condition themselves to turn to alcohol or drugs after experiencing a stressful event. Rather than deal with the causes of life’s disappointments, relationship challenges, or ineffective communication, it’s often easier to look for ways to forget about the problems by turning to alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. Of course, these destructive forms of escaping the uncomfortable feelings that are caused by low confidence, a bad self-image and poor self-esteem often result in compounded health and social challenges of their own. In addition to their harmful physical effects, drugs and alcohol amplify negative feelings and thus result in further destructive behavior. In this way, they compound the already present challenges and result in a worsening, vicious cycle of greater proportions.

Low self-esteem is most often the cause of these destructive and escape-seeking behaviors. Rather than detach from or attempt to escape the challenges brought on by a poor self-image and low self-confidence, there is a more effective way to live a more powerful, happier and more abundant life — simply by elevating one’s level of self-esteem. After working personally with thousands of coaching clients in the past 15 years, I have uncovered an effective yet simple and easy-to-implement formula for improving one’s self-esteem. The entire process of healing one’s painful past, accurately assessing one’s current situation, and proactively designing the future in choice can be found in the step-by-step self-study program entitled, “The Self-Esteem Book: The Ultimate Guide to Boost the Most Underrated Ingredient for Success and Happiness in Life.” For more information on restoring your self-esteem and reclaiming your magnificence, visit TheSelfEsteemBook.com website.

Copyright 2006 Dr Joe Rubino